Soft touch

I'm doing the dishes when the phone goes. Jill answers it. "Mike, it's a lady from the World Wildlife Fund."

Oh, bugger, they'd found me at last.

When I moved house eleven years ago I neglected to inform the various animal and environmental charities I donate to. The reason for this is I can't say no to someone on the phone. I could, on accasion, ignore the begging letters (and that's what they are, let's be blunt) and even return the raffle tickets unsold, but the phone calls . . . never could deal with them.

But I am older now, and wiser. I threw down my sponge and picked up the phone.

"Mr Stone?" She has a lovely cultured voice. "Can you spare me five minutes?"

No, I'm busy. "Yes," I say. "No problem." Damn. First blood to them.

The woman then launches into a five minute monlogue about the dangers facing the forests of Borneo. "The Orang Utan could become extinct in the wild within ten years, Mr Stone. We are determined not to let that happen."

"Quite rightly," I say.

"So would you like to make a contribution?"

Be strong. "No." Wow. I just said no. Way to go! "That is, not at present. I'm a little strapped for cash at the moment and . . ." This is perfectly true. The recent building work has wiped me out.

"That's okay, Mr Stone. Would you consider increasing your yearly membership fee?"

"By how much?" No, don't ask questions, just terminate the conversation.

"Well you are currently paying £24 a year."

"So if I was to add another . . ." I name the first figure that pops into my head. Jill raises her eyebrows at me. I shrug. I know I've crumbled.

I go on to make some agreement about the WWF using my taxes to increase any donations by a third, and probably agree to extra newsletters, catalogues and raffle tickets. I say probably because by this time my defeat is total. I'm saying yes to everything. I even hear myself giving them my email address.

"That's wonderful, Mr Stone. Can I say on behalf of the WWF how nuch your generosity is appreciated."

"You're very welcome."

"Would you mind if we contact you again by phone?"

"No, not at all. I look forward to it."