The following will mean nothing to those who have not read 'The Light Knight Returns'. And may well not interest those that have.
Well, it's been a week in Critters, and 'The Light Knight Returns' has attracted . . . well, modesty forbids me to say just how well it's gone down with the few people who bothered to read it. What can I say, I'm a giant in the field of English literature. I got about ten crits, which is less than I expected. BUT the quality of the crits was amazing. It seems as though, as the writing was tight as a gnat's chuff and typos rarer than rocking horse shit (you are the only one to spot a tyoo, GB), folks dived much deeper into the story, and came up with some interesting points.
As far as the actual storytelling is concerned, I have changed the POV of the opening scene to that of Tommy, the more important of the two main characters. I've tweaked the barbecue scene slightly (with added popcorn) and bolstered Tommy's roleplaying prior to his suicide so that it includes a religious flavour, as one reader thought (and I agree), his subsequent 'resurrection' came out of the blue. Another alteration is the killing of Steve Ellis, aka the Pike. I've rewritten the ending so that rather than have him killed in a revenge attack, the Light Knight merely teaches him a harsh lesson. Poetic justice, rather than cold-blooded revenge. It is what a true superhero would do. I'm still undecided about this. So much so, I've retained my original ending on file so I can always revert to it. Oh, and something else that confused readers was the boys' ages. So I've made that concrete in the opening lines.
Other excellent ideas I've yet to incorporate are having Tommy sleeping with the curtains open to recharge from starlight, and acting as though he is physically weaker by day and going everywhere with his battery backpack a la Light Knight. I loved that idea.
Going deeper, the last critter wondered whether my theme needs tweaking, to pinpoint where its focus lies. Ellis aka the Pike is the archvillain of the piece, but he's a single thug and not representative of the world in general, and so the ending, as solidly written as it is, might actually not be a natural conclusion/destination. To clarify that, Tommy defeats the Pike and then decides he will use his new God-like powers to protect animals the world over. I think this is what my first critter was saying, really, that Tommy/the Light Knight taking up the mantle of animal protector is not really that well signposted. His feud with the Pike stems from the incident where the Pike is killing frogs, but is that enough of a seed, in story terms, to say that Tommy is a champion of animal rights? I thought it was. I thought an eight year old boy standing up to a massive thug over some frogs is a sure sign that he's an 'animal person'. But it looks like I need to make a few adjustments.
So that's that. Well, there's a lot more ctually, but you're bored already, I can tell. Aye, a few more hours of work and maybe I'll have something to send off to The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction.
I wish.
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6 comments:
The only one to find a typo, eh? I think I should get a prize. Sign me a copy of whatever publication the story ends up in and we're quits. Fair enough? Cool.
Seriously though, that's great. Good luck with placing it.
A prize? Heck, I might just do that, just for your cheek! Let's hope it finds a home in a quality publication. There are too many Nic Pacione-type operators out there, and they're not always easy to spot.
I'm pondering whether to make a serious stab at some of the markets in the 'Pro and Semi-Pro' section of Ralan's site. My ambition for 2006 was to sell a novella. Done that now, so I'm raising the bar.
See, you're not the only dreamer!
Seems to me like your dreams are coming through at a nice steady rate. Keep up the good work.
:)
Ta muchly. And the same to you too.
Hi, David, nice to see you here.
Your critique of LKR got me thinking, true, but a promise is a promise so Gerard will get his prize. And, thinking about it, you both raised similar issues with regards the overall theme of animal protection. So maybe I should give you both a prize? If it ever gets published, that is. I mustn't tempt fate by getting cocky.
Thank you for those kind words, David. I appreciate the encouragement. And yes, I've read some of Eugie's stories and agree that she is way above most writers partaking of the the Critter experience. I'm not going to comment on whether any story of mine is ready for a pro-market -- I joke about such things, but that's all it is, joking. All part of the dream.
What I will say is that, I honestly cannot see what takes a story that extra nine yards, from small-press through semi-pro to pro. I read a lot of professionally published fiction, and while I can appreciate the techniques, I cannot yet discren what sold a given story to a pro publication. "Why did the editor rate this so highly?" I've read some stinkers in pro organs and found pearls lurking in the small press.
Maybe you're right, perhaps I should aim higher when proffering my wares, but I'm an impatient devil and look for markets that take e-subs and reply within a month. Silly of me, I know, but there you go. For the record, if the 'Light Knight' is accepted by 'Forgotten Worlds' I will be absolutely delighted. It will represent - in financial terms - my best sale yet. As good as finding my novella in a book with an initial print run of 2000 copies, as opposed to the usual POD affairs I find myself in. We often use the term 'a rung up the ladder', don't we? Well, a sale to 'Forgotten Worlds' would represent another rung up for me. That will suffice for the time being.
You may be interested to know that my current WIP is a novella about soldiers coping with shell-shock after WWI. It's my first non-genre piece and is proving to be the most challenging thing I've ever done. Ambitious doesn't even begin to describe it. Look out for it in Critters in about (I hope) eight weeks.
I've rambled, haven't I. Sorry!
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