Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Long time, no post

I've been seriously down just lately. So down I had no desire to be putting my feelings/thoughts up here. Things crystallised yesterday when walking to work in the dark. I collided with a lamp post. Haha, except it hurt more than just my face and kneecap, or even my pride for that matter. It honed all my anxieties of an uncertain future. There will be a day, not far off now, when it won't need to be dark for that lamp post to spring out in front of me. I've been aware of the ramifications of my eye disease for many years now, but it's always taken a backseat, because I've told it to: Get back there and SHUT UP! Now though, or just lately anyway, the spectre of blindness (Cliches R Us!) is riding shotgun and will not be silenced. "See him, he's 45. You'll have about 40% of your vision when you're his age. What are you going to do? Certainly not doing what you are now. How long d'you think you can keep working for? 3 years? 4? Maybe now is the time to pack it in and try and retrain? But what about the money? Who will support the family? How can you live with being blind? You'd be better off dead! 25% when you're 50 and total darkness at 60: that doesn't seem so far away, does it?"

It's a bastard, and no mistake.

1 comment:

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